


Tradition

by sartiebodyshots



Series: December Prompts [23]
Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: F/F, Mentions of canon drug use, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-23
Updated: 2016-12-23
Packaged: 2018-09-11 08:23:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 920
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8971696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sartiebodyshots/pseuds/sartiebodyshots
Summary: Beth feels restless, so instead of going to her work holiday party, she ends up outside Alison's house.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Written for a December prompts challenge! Happy Holidays!

Beth was the life of the party, once.  Not in a demanding, center of attention way, but because she’s funny, charming.  She brings out the best in people around her, absorbs herself in their lives, and leaves them feeling warm.  It’s a talent of hers and one she enjoys putting to use.

Every year, she loves going to the holiday party and spending time with her squad off the clock.  Every year, she loves making her friends and coworkers laugh.  Every year, she likes trying Dolores’ new dip recipe and pretending to be excited when “Santa” shows up to the party to give them secret santa presents.  Every year, every year, every year, but not this year, and maybe never again.  It feels like never again.

But everything has changed since her life unraveled.  She can’t bring herself to go to the department holiday party, even though she told Paul she was going to go.  He had offered to come with her, but she had rebuffed him.  

So she finds herself outside Alison’s house, lurking in the shadows.  She watches through the window as Alison and her husband argue as they wrap the presents for their children.  

She envies that, somehow, Alison manages to keep her life together, even after finding out that she’s a  _ genetic identical _ .  There’s more she’s envious of, but it’s hidden behind the thick fog of her overlapping medications.  She could reach for it, but the whole reason why she takes all these medications is to keep it away.  

_ I’m outside _ she finally decides to text.  

Alison checks her phone and towards the window, as if she expects to see Beth with her face pressed against the glass.  Not tonight.  

“What are you doing out here?” Alison hisses.  “What if the neighbors see you and call the police?  Or think I cut my hair?”

“We could go somewhere else,” Beth says.

Alison bites her lip, looking back towards her house.  But Beth knows she doesn’t really want to go inside.  

Beth gets in her car, unsurprised when Alison gets in the passenger side.

“Where are we going?” Alison asks.

“I don’t know,” Beth says, starting the car up and driving.  “I’m supposed to be at the office holiday party.”

“Go towards the field we practice shooting in,” Alison mumbles.  

Beth knows the twists and turns.  She thinks that she could find the way with her eyes shut, but she’s not dumb enough to try.  Not out of self preservation, but out of a desire to protect others.  

The car hums softly underneath the sounds of their breathing.  Alison turns up the heat, teeth clacking against each other.  It’s so undignified that the corner of Beth’s mouth lifts of its own accord.  

“We’re here,” Beth says, turning the car off.  

She leans back and tilts her head so she’s looking at Alison.  It always startles her how much Alison doesn’t look like her.  Since they have the same face, they should look identical.  They both hide themselves so tightly and are so deeply exhausted, but it still looks different on them both.  

“You wanna shoot something?” Beth asks.

Alison just smiles.  

“Me, too,” Beth says.  

She carefully slips her hand into Alison’s.  Her face twitches, but Alison doesn’t look surprised.  

Beth considers the warm hand in hers.  It fits perfectly, of course.  But it goes deeper than biology.  Alison understands her deep unhappiness.  That's not woven into their DNA, or at least Beth hopes not.  Whoever made them is cruel, but hopefully not cruel enough to give them this melancholy.  

Since she doesn't feel the same belonging around Cosima or while talking to Katja, she thinks it has to do with who she and Alison are as people.  Beth, the junkie cop in a relationship with a man who doesn't seem capable of loving her back; Alison, the drunk housewife who yearns for normalcy despite being as far away from it as possible.  

What a pair they make, sitting in her car deep in a snowy December night.  

“Do you need to get back home?” Beth finally asks, voice scratching her throat.  

“I told Donnie not to wait up,” Alison says.  

“Where does he think you are?” Beth asks.

Alison pauses, scrunching her face up like she does when she thinks that someone is going to tease her for what she’s about to say.  “Night zumba.”

Beth purses her lips, trying so hard not to laugh.  It only lasts a moment before they both burst out in laughter.  Their hands squeeze each other, and after a minute, Beth’s not sure if they’re laughing at the concept of night zumba, the ridiculousness of their lives, or both.  

“We should do this more often,” Alison says when they calm down.  

“Night zumba?” Beth asks.  

“Yeah,” Alison says, fingers flexing.  

“Yeah,” Beth agrees.  

They sit in silence for a little while longer until it really starts to get cold.  She carefully untangles her fingers from Alison’s so she can start the car.  

The car hum sounds different and the familiar streets have changed.  Beth can’t put her finger on what the difference is.  It’s a tiny shift that means everything, like when she has a drink with her pills and everything floats away further than usual.  

Maybe things are different between them, or maybe she’s just making things up because it’s better than being alone.

Beth knows, deep in her bones, that she’ll be here around New Year's, around Valentine's Day, around every holiday.  She just doesn’t know how many.


End file.
